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Stock market isn’t the only thing in free fall these days

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POSTED May 13, 2010 2:32 a.m.
The guy looked to be perhaps 17, if that old. There was nothing unusual at first: Oversized pants about 10 sizes too big, baseball cap on backwards, and tent-sized T-shirt. It was the typical “I’m-making-my-statement” uniform of a teen kid who is much more copycat than original.

I never would have looked again if it weren’t for a peculiar stride. The guy’s pants weren’t simply riding low on his hips or even slightly lower. They were somewhere between his knee and hip held in place by a belt flapping aimlessly in the air. The only thing keeping him from giving shoppers a full Monty was a pull-over shirt about four sizes too big and hopefully underwear.

One could only wonder what June Cleaver would do today. Instead of telling Wally to always remember to wear clean underwear because you never know when you might end up in a hospital, today they might well be telling him to wear underwear so a simple trip to the mall won’t turn into criminal exposure and all that junk.

Strike that. No one under 25 walking around with a serious crack exposure problem will ever get collared this day and age for public indecency. But let alone anyone else such as a 50-year-old walk down the street like that and the cops will have you hand cuffed and in the back of a patrol car in no time at all. Go figure.

Teens today may think it is hilarious to see pictures of their parents from the 1970s complete with Afros, bell bottoms and flares, polyester leisure suits and such. Don’t laugh too hard. Imagine what the future teens of today’s crack set will do when they dig through their parents’ old photos.

I digress. Back to the guy who somehow got the false impression pants are knee warmers. Exactly how does one buy pants so the fit is right to wear between your knees and hips? Perhaps the youth market is why pant manufacturers today can’t seem to make two size 32s the same from the same style. If you’re not going to wear them on your waist, there’s no need to be close in the waist size since waists are becoming a quaint notion with those who believe shoes are meant to prevent your pants from dragging on the floor.

In fairness to the guy without a clue on where to normally wear pants that was slinking and not walking, at least he had his backside covered up so no one can see where the sun isn’t supposed to shine.

I’ve got bad news for the “dudes” who think the entire world wants to know their taste in underwear as well as those who like to partially expose their behind. You look just like what you’re exposing.

Maybe, just maybe, there are girls out there your age who find it attractive that you walk around showing the world your underwear while you go for a stroll.

It used to be that the guy world was divided primarily between those who wore boxers and those who wore briefs. Now it is a three-way split. It’s between those who wear briefs, those who wear boxers and keep their pants pulled up and those who make it easy to answer the question of whether they’re a boxer guy while you’re standing in line at the supermarket.

I still believe it’s a matter of each to their own as long as they don’t cross the line of generally accepted decency. And if society would call the cops on a 50-year-old guy walking down the street showing his crack, then it is indecent for a 17-year-old doing the same thing.

This trend must terrify men like George Zimmerman of the Men’s Wearhouse and the folks at Depends.

You’re starting to see a small but growing number of “men” past 25 who are still wearing pants as knee warmers. I seriously doubt they’ll be potential candidates for buying a suit to wear to work, weddings or even a funeral. They are crack folks through and through.

And if they happen to become fathers, Depends will have to rethink its products when today’s saggers get old.
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