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Hello Jack Sparrow, here’s a magazine

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POSTED November 2, 2011 2:05 a.m.

I don’t get too worked up about things like Halloween.

I like it, but I think until I have kids, I will be fairly indifferent because it costs money.

As a kid, hunting season started in August, so everyone had full freezers and plenty of material to make costumes out of deer, bear or wooly mammoth for the 31st.

My senior year I shot two bears, one was perfect for my costume, and the other one was so big I made a prom dress for my date, my tuxedo and still had enough left over for a backpack.

So on Halloween everyone makes clothing, then walks around town getting sweet gifts like smoked salmon, oysters or seal soup then we all congregate at the Community Igloo for dog-mushing races.

Just kidding.

I was an army guy once and other socially-acceptable things different years. We walked around, ate candy and got stomach aches like the rest of the country.

Lately, I haven’t been overly into the Halloween thing. I’ve been a trapper, fisherman and a fish box — all easy stuff I have around the house. I’d rather spend money actually being a character than pretending.

Anyway, Monday night I made myself tri-tip and waited for trick-or-treaters. I was almost excited at the prospect of positively contributing to the upbringing of area kids. Once the Clif bars ran out, I’d toss back issues of Field and Steam and Alaska Magazine in plastic bags. What’s better than supporting good eating habits and literacy all in one night?

I was stoked. I intentionally put myself in front of the TV. If I got into a book, knocks at the door would be distracting, and when I am imagining myself on a river catching 5-pound brook trout in Canada, I wouldn’t want a kid dressed as a Transformer interrupting me. So I watched Pawn Stars which is interesting, but not enrapturing.

Two episodes in, the front door had not been knocked. I wasn’t really surprised to not have visitors because my place is a guest house that is largely hidden by trees but some people with kids know where I live.

During commercials I did some research on Halloweenexpress.com to see what I might be expecting. According to the website, the No. 2 costume overall and the top girl costume was Twister. I wasn’t so sure I liked that one.

Jack Sparrow, cool. Crayon, cute. Captain America, nice. Ballerina, of course. Wolverine, love it.

Send my kid to school dressed as Twister? I would maybe expect this at a sorority date dash, but on a kid?

Of course, I’m also the guy that has vowed to move back to Alaska if I have a daughter and once she has mastered weaponry, hand-to-hand combat and turned 30, she can date.

By 9:30 the Pawn Star employees were still checking out Civil War era guns and I was getting tired.

I then realized the porch light wasn’t on which isn’t exactly inviting, but that probably didn’t matter much. At least I don’t have to buy new Clif bars for snacks this week.


To contact Jeff Lund, email aklund21@gmail.com.

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