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Spokesmen for the Grand Obsolete Party

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POSTED May 30, 2009 2:14 a.m.
Editor, Manteca Bulletin,
From the recent failed attempts to add lipstick to the face of the GOP, we are forced to view the Grand Obsolete Party as just that, obsolete and unchanged. When the American voter asked for change, then cast their vote to get it, the GOP seems to have missed the message completely.

First they stoked up Sara Palin, Rush Limbaugh and Glen Beck over the Obama initiative to close GITMO. Not completely satisfied with their scare tactics, they then sent Igor the hunchback out to the Carpathian Mountains in the dead of night to dig up the coffin of the lord of darkness himself, Dick Cheney. After locating the coffin, Igor pulled open the heavy coffin lid, careful not to look directly into the eyes of the Dark Lord. Satisfied he had the correct coffin, he then closed the lid and loaded in onto his wooden cart and hauled the box back to Michael Steele’s laboratory where the wooden stake was carefully extracted from the Dark Lords heart. After insuring the arrogant Cheney Crocodile sneer was still in working order, the Dark Lord was sent out on tour, not just any tour, mind you, but the well known Cheney tour. We are referring to Fear and Smear Tour 09. You all remember the 01 thru 08 tours, right? Of course you do.

Cheney even scheduled a speech to closely follow one given by Obama on the same subject. When Obama’s speech ran a few minutes overtime causing Cheney to wait in the wings, Cheney complained to anyone who would listen. He has apparently forgotten that he is just another private citizen, a private citizen who doesn’t even have the respect to even tread water with most other private citizens. He has also forgotten just who it was that drove that stake into his black heart.

Cheney’s fear tour was not exactly a failure, after all the Senate voted 90-6 to hold up funding for the closure of GITMO. Obama would do well to remember those six who didn’t buy into the scare tactics of the past. Voters should remember those 90 who apparently haven’t an ounce of guts among them, Democrats and Republicans. As expected Cheney defended his torture tactics by claiming it saved lives and prevented future attacks on American soil. One could make that claim for any reason or any scenario. I can claim the car wax I used prevented bird droppings for the entire summer, we all know I was just lucky. He now claims there will be some kind of terrorist activity on the homeland sometime during the Obama Administration. (Homeland, why does that term remind me of Schindler’s List?) Eight more years without something happening would be unlikely and of course Cheney could then say “I told you so”, exactly what he is hoping for and you better believe he will. That is unless he is back in his sarcophagus by then.

The argument for not closing GITMO is what to do with the inmates. Cheney and company will tell you they will be released on American cities. Apparently they haven’t heard of SuperMax Prisons. No one has ever escaped from a SuperMax Prison, NO ONE PERIOD! Apparently we are to believe they will be placed in the local County Jail to await trial. Yes, I said await trial, they aren’t all convicted terrorists you know, what they are you see, are suspected terrorists. Those found guilty can go to prison and by the way there are terrorists in U.S prisons right now. Those who are found innocent can be deported to their respective countries. What is wrong with that?

Finally, when the Dark Lord was asked why he thought Colin Powell, a well respected Republican, was all in favor of the closing of GITMO, Cheney sneered and said Colin Powell is not a real Republican. Now we learn that General David Petraeus is also in favor of closing GITMO, I wonder if Cheney would now say Petraeus is not a real general.

Someone put that stake back in his black heart, please!
Larry Baca
Manteca
May 27, 2009
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