You’ve probably never heard of Buyology.

It’s a company that gets corporate America to spend tens of millions of dollars with them so they can supposedly get the glimpse into the subconscious of typical American consumers to sell them more stuff they don’t need.

If you go to their website, the gobbledygook makes it sound more than that but when push comes to shove it is about getting you to part with your cash. Buyology contends 85 percent of the time decisions we make on what to buy are driven by instinct, intuition, desire, emotion, memories and values with the remaining 15 percent being conscious decisions apparently involving trite details such as “do I need this” and “can I afford this”?

Buyology contends the annual $80 billion spent on traditional marketing efforts to connect with the 15 percent of the decisions we make that are supposedly conscious-based is a waste of money. They wanted a piece of that $80 billion action so they conducted a “study” to prove their point.

The end result was the latest Internet “rage du jour” better known as “You might be a Republican if....”

They supposedly measured the reaction of 4,000 people in milliseconds to various questions so they’d get an “automatic” response.

Since I’ve been registered as a Republican since I turned 18, I figured I’d compare myself with the “results.”

Republicans picked BMWs over Jeeps. Sorry, but Beamers don’t impress me and a Jeep per se for off-road adventures isn’t something that is even in my subconscious although they’ve got to be great vehicles as they helped America save the world.  And since I drive a hybrid American-made Ford Escape Buyology would pigeonhole me as a Green Party libertarian.

Democrats picked Subway while those faithful to the Grand Old Party took Wendy’s. Frankly, I’d take neither. It has something to do with being fast food and perhaps a notch up. Guess that makes me a card carrying member of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.

Given the choice for coffee between Starbucks and Dunkin’ Donuts, Republicans supposedly go with the doughnut joint. Again I can’t stand coffee so I must be an independent.

XBOX 360 gets the Republican nod over Wii. Sorry, I have no reaction as I’m not into gaming. Perhaps that explains why I’m not wild about automated voting systems.

Supposedly Democrats and Republicans alike in the survey both embraced Google, Visa, Apple, and Coca-Cola. Interesting.

I prefer Yahoo but given the fact Google is a more powerful search engine where’s the surprise? The one credit card I have is a Visa. That may put me in both camps but I doubt the fact I have just one credit card aligns me with any established American political party.

As for Apple, I confess I have an iPad. I guess that means I could go either way. But I have forsaken a personal computer at home and refuse to carry a phone that is smarter than I am so that might make me a member of some fringe party inspired by the Amish and Steve Jobs.

Democrats and Republicans alike prefer Coca-Cola, surprise, surprise. It is the No. 1 selling soft drink brand by far. And while I no longer touch the stuff, in my younger days I hit bottles of Pepsi pretty hard. I guess no party wants to be associated with a recovering Pepsi addict.

Republicans prefer Allstate Insurance and Democrats prefer Progressive. Having had an interesting experience dealing with Allstate that insured another driver that T-boned me after running a red light plus not liking insurance companies with misleading price point commercials as there is a heck of a lot more that goes into an insurance coverage decision other than just how cheap you can get it, I must have a streak of Ralph Nader in me. That means I must be affiliated with the Progressive Party (politics, not insurance) and not know it.

Democrats take the NFL while the Republicans take baseball. The choice leaves me cold. If it isn’t bicycle road racing it isn’t a sport. That must make me a socialist cut from the French political cloth at the very least.

OK, so I would take the History Channel over Animal Planet which gives me one full point in the Republican column.

When all is said and done, such surveys are a bunch of bunk.

But in terms of mass marketing it was genius.

You’ve got to wonder whether any of those choices respondents were given were Buyology clients.

As for me, I will continue my long standing practice of not participating in market surveys or pollster phone calls unless, of course, I’m in the mood to mess up their methodology.

One last thing: A Buyology spokesperson was quoted in some reports as saying “people will gravitate toward brands that are reflective of who they are or what they want to be.”

In that case, maybe it is time I joined the great migration that is sweeping America and drop my Republican Party affiliation and become what would truly send annoying marketing firms and politicians over the edge - re-register as an independent.



This column is the opinion of managing editor, Dennis Wyatt, and does not necessarily represent the opinion of The Bulletin or Morris Newspaper Corp. of CA.  He can be contacted at dwyatt@mantecabulletin.com or 209-249-3519.