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Lubbock County judge goes nuts

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POSTED September 11, 2012 12:59 a.m.

While Rep. Todd Akin’s pseudo-scientific tommyrot about “legitimate rape” has surged him into the lead for the title of Dottiest and Most Dangerous Political Nut of the Year – never count out us Texans in any hard-nut contest.

Our state’s front-runner had been Ted Cruz, currently the GOP candidate for U.S. Senate, who’s deeply concerned that the United Nations is plotting to take over America’s golf courses. Suddenly, however, a darkhorse from Lubbock has shot into the lead. Perhaps suffering from the heat of August, County Judge Tom Head shocked and delighted the rightwing-o-sphere by proving that it’s actually humanly possible to get even nuttier about President Obama than simply ranting that he’s a Kenyan Muslim Socialist. I’ll let Judge Head speak for himself.

“In this political climate,” he asked during a TV interview, “what is the worst thing that could happen? Obama gets back in the White House,” he answered to his own question. Plunging deeper into paranoid darkness, Head then announced that a re-elected Obama is “going to try to hand over the sovereignty of the United States to the UN.” And that, warned the judge, will lead to the worst – “Civil unrest, civil disobedience, civil war maybe. We’re talking Lexington, Concord, take up arms and get rid of the guy. Now what’s going to happen if we do that?” asked Head as he built to his logical conclusion: “[Obama’s] going to send in UN troops.”

He told Lubbockians not to worry though, for he was pushing for a local tax increase to give him more police and weaponry to combat Obama’s diabolical UN takeover scheme. “I don’t want ‘em in Lubbock County,” Head said. “So I’m going to stand in front of their armored personnel carrier and say, ‘You’re not coming in here.’”

Thank you Judge Head, for showing America just what you’re made of: a sack of nuts and a bucket of silly putty.

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