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Wise ‘cracks’ about those sagging pants

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POSTED August 9, 2009 1:49 a.m.
Grandmother thought it was a sign of the end of civilization when women started wearing hair curlers in public.

That was back in 1965, the apparent Age of Enlightenment in Public Manners when compared against the norm today.

Appearance was a matter of pride. Grandmother raised a family through the Depression on a ranch where even today it is still fairly desolate. Being poor or short on money was never an excuse for laziness or being slothful.

Dressing neat was important even if you couldn’t afford fancy clothes.

Zoot suits may have been a bit peculiar to her but I doubt she raised a fuss about them. I’m not too sure, though, that she could of handled today’s low hanging pants. I know I can’t.

Cracks should be seen on the sidewalk, not on the people walking on the sidewalks. Underwear was meant to be just that - under wear.

I have a hard time believing guys who wear their pants halfway down to their knees are impressing girls. That obviously isn’t the reason they’re doing it. Apparently it is a matter of being “cool.” And that’s not cool as in the sense of wanting to let the air in.

Some guys who buy pants where one leg is bigger than their hip will tell you they’re making a personalized statement. They’re showing their individualism. Sorry, guys. The only thing you’re showing is your underwear - and in some cases parts of the body where the sun shouldn’t shine. It’s lame to point out there are hundreds of thousands wearing their pants the same way so therefore it’s not showing individualism. On a planet with 6.7 billion people, personalized style is a state of mind and perception.

Some say it’s just a passing trend. This is one trend, however, that isn’t passing. It’s been around for almost 20 years. Some of those who practice the type of dress that comedians once used while pretending to be town drunks on a 10-day binge to get a laugh are getting closer to 30 years old of age and they’re still dragging.

So with this in mind, I‘d like to make just a few observations.

•I really don’t have an overriding obsession against droopy pants, to each their own.

• It isn’t pleasant to see your underwear whether they are boxers or briefs.

•The world isn’t interested in knowing that you wear size 34 boxers so try to at least wear your underwear the right side out.

•The true hoods who wear real baggy pants should keep doing so. A month doesn’t go by that some law enforcement officer somewhere doesn’t nab a bad guy thanks to baggy pants tripping the guy up.

•You might want to watch how big you get the oversized belt that appears to be part of the individualized style statement. About three months ago I saw a young man in Stockton who actually got his belt caught in a car door after he shut it. On second thought, that was pretty funny so you may want to keep the oversized belts.

•Enjoy the skosh more room in the back side while you can. Give nature, aging and inactivity (a lot of droopy pants people aren’t prone to exercise) and you’ll indeed be looking back at your crack era as the good old days.

•Don’t interpret the growing indifference most people now display in public towards droopy pants doesn’t mean everyone thinks it’s a wonderful idea.

• Abandon droopy pants when it’s obvious you’re getting old. If you don’t, cops are likely to arrest you for indecent exposure. Society tolerates underwear and crack showing on young people but they don’t on older folks. Instead, they call them perverts.

And - most important of all - work to prove those critical of your droopy fashion that they are wrong to peg people by their dress by refusing to walk about in public swearing profusely, making obscene, or gang-like gestures.

Who knows? In 15 years from now your kids could be driving you over the edge wearing polyester suits.
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