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A weekend on the IR brings back memories

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POSTED September 22, 2009 11:12 p.m.
The temperature between my ears was higher than it was outside my place, so I put myself on the three-day injured reserve list and ate popsicles.

My coffee table was littered with half-stained sticks when I realized I probably could count on one hand the amount of fruit-flavored frozen treats I’ve had since high school.

Actually, I couldn’t remember any other than the one with patriotic swirls I bought on the Fourth of July next to the Lincoln Memorial over a half decade ago, when it was 176 degrees out due to the humidity.
Yes, that would mean I enjoyed far more frozen snacks while I lived in the northern most state than during the last 10 years in Arizona and California.

Leave it to fever.

With no chance to do anything but wait for my body to stop feeling like I was just put on a high heat run through the Maytag, I called Comcast and ordered whatever package would get me ESPN.

If I was going to spend the weekend miserable, I was at least going to be watching football.

Being I hadn’t had cable for a while, I reintroduced myself to the hysteria that is college football, along with the ability to control what I watch and at what volume.

I have watched plenty of TV since I unplugged Comcast’s monthly access to my bank account, so this wasn’t stepping out of a cave or returning from Mars, but between and after all the first downs and fight songs, I was reminded, or learned:

1. That USC should be ashamed for losing to Pac-10 teams. The more I hear about the Spoiled Children being flawed, the more I agree. Those hacks have lost eight games total since that disappointing 2002 season when Carson Palmer embarrassed the program and had to settle for a win in the Orange Bowl and an 11-2 mark.

Weak.

Since then, the Trojans have only won four of five Rose Bowls by an average score of 36 -18.

Sorry.

Maybe SC is cursed into such mediocrity because of that lone bowl loss to Bevo and the fighting Vince Young’s. Such a horrible fate.

2. Everything that happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas — except for test results from a doctor, and somehow that still qualifies as an advertisement FOR going to Vegas? I guess I remember health class being a little more frightening than that.

3.  If I had my own outdoor show on Versus, I would never hunt from climate controlled facilities, bait any animal (other than fish), or neglect to show cool moments like when motivated salmon pull me from my balance and I fall off logs or rocks into the river.

It’s my show, and I refuse to let my audience think I am anything but a regular dude.

4. College football is way more exciting than professional, the way college basketball buries the NBA. This is probably due to my flashbacks to the thousands of tailgaters on game day at Arizona.

Smoke rising from burger, steak, carne asada, wing and fajita filled grills — beautiful. But more so were the days leading up, when we saw dudes like Lance Briggs, and Antonio Pierce daily tackling Big Macs like indecisive tailbacks and wondered how that stayed down at practice.

I was a part of that school.

I took finals with the offensive line, then rushed the field to join my fellow classmates in celebration. Not sure I would do that in the Black Hole wearing an Elway jersey.

I do enjoy the NFL, though, and it is a much closer second than its basketball counterparts. I can only tolerate the NBA in little playoff doses.

I lose my mind during March Madness, which starts Nov. 1 with UA’s Red and Blue game.

5. I’d rather be fishing.

To contact Jeff Lund, e-mail aklund21@gmail.com.

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