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A recipe for killing gophers, the bane of Manteca

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POSTED July 3, 2013 11:29 p.m.

Editor, Manteca Bulletin,

I read your sad account of the battle with gophers, and like many of your fellow townspeople, felt your pain. We’ve all been there and done that.

Happily – there is a rescue plan. I didn’t invent this recipe – it was presented on Channel 6, TV, some years ago by a man named Jerry Baker who seemed to be involved in a campaign to reduce gardening problems to a few basic ingredients from the kitchen. The essential fact here, however, is this stuff works.

Here’s the recipe and instructions. Go to Wal-Mart and buy one of their very cheap gallon-size plastic pitchers and an equally cheap mixing spoon. While you are there, buy a regular size bottle of cheap dish washing liquid and an equal size bottle of household ammonia. Now for the third ingredient: well, there’s only one way to put it – the third ingredient is an amount of…uh…urine equal to the bottle of dish washing fluid. Mix the whole mess up and pour a cup or so of the resulting stuff down the gopher hole. And that’s it.

I have never learned if this stuff kills the gophers, makes them sick, or makes them so mad they move over into your neighbor’s yard. In any case, you are able to smooth off the dirt piles, re-seed your lawn, and turn your attention to more profitable enterprises.

In all honesty, this stuff will kill rose bushes if it gets into their roots, and probably most other flowers too. But the gophers were doing that anyway.

I hope this plan works for you, but if it doesn’t, I shall deny having anything to do with it.

Mrs. Louise Moeri
June 25, 2013

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