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Christmas dream list presented to Santa

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POSTED December 16, 2009 1:33 a.m.
Dear Santa,

Since I actually have too many teeth, it already kinda snowed and I will be in Hawaii for Christmas anyway, I have a couple other ideas that are less cliché on the ole list.

First off, if the weather does not cooperate, the airport shuts down, and with it the only link to the outside world, could you maybe give mom a lift down from Alaska?

Sweet.

I know it’s not really your specialty, the whole nature thing, but if you could get some stupid steelhead to come up my favorite steelhead river this year, that would be great.

My fishing itch usually gets out of control around April, but it’s already here. A nice steelie would keep me within my usual realm of sanity.

And before I get to the list of things, one of my presents can be delayed. When I head back home this summer to help mom put on a new roof, maybe I don’t shoot myself with the nail gun and rather cap myself a black bear?

I know Blitzen won’t mind that there is one less predator out there, and while you are at it, tell the rest of the boys I will lay off the reindeer sausage when I come back this summer, even though I do love the juicy spice those links add to hearty breakfasts. Oh, sorry fellas.

Alright.

Wait, Santa, one more thing before we get down to it: If you could, please help local youths properly calculate their waist sizes and have their parents buy jeans accordingly.

The emotional strain they must suffer for being so slovenly dressed is probably impacting their school work.

Actually, you would probably defer to God on some of this stuff since it’s not chimney friendly, but I feel bad asking Him for a bunch of stuff because He usually just gives me what I need rather than what I want and doesn’t understand that stuff makes me cooler.

Finally, here’s what you can get Buddy the Elf working on:

A Polaris Sportsman 850 XP. It will make cruising around campus much easier during my prep period, and to keep me from getting lazy, the New Balance 1064 running shoes are only $129.99. Both absorb shock and make for smooth rides.

Once the rivers open back up and I’m not rollin’ on my four-wheeler or logging miles, I will surely be trying for a steelhead or seven.

Since good gear makes better fishermen, I think the three-piece Winston Bamboo fly rod from The Rivers Edge in Montana will improve my skill as a fisherman and make my weekly column more tolerable.

It’s only $3,000!

A wise man named Michael Scott once said Christmas lets you say I love you, “this many dollars worth.” The Simms 4-G Pro Jacket would go very well with the waders I already own and I bet if you ordered online there wouldn’t be any shipping. Of course, you’d probably just pick it up on the way down.

Silly me.

One more thing, a pair of Smartwool socks from REI will keep my feet plenty warm at $17.50 a pair.

Something else that would really improve my life would be a golfing GPS, so I know the exact yardage from where I intended to put my ball.

Another one more thing, if you could get me a spear-gun, I could then give it to my brother who is stationed in Guam so I can use the money I would have spent on him to get some flies for my new fly-rod, that would be even better.

If I could just get this stuff I’d be happy, Santa. Then I’d have time to coach and teach better and be a better friend.

Look, at least year, when I got the ... uh ... wait, what did I get last year?

My parents came down, we drove to Murphy’s, laughed as I tried to get the timer to work on my camera, but as for gifts?

Hmm.

Santa, maybe I don’t need those socks. The ones I’ve got now haven’t given me hypothermia yet. I already have two waterproof fishing jackets and even a pair of running shoes with at least 200 more miles left on them.

You know what Santa, I made it through this year and I get to hang with my mom, brother, his wife and her family. Spoil someone else; I’ve got all I need which is always better than what I want.

But I am serious about the weather thing and my mom getting off the island.

To contact Jeff Lund, e-mail aklund21@gmail.com.
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