Let's talk life expectancy.
Apparently, the threat is both serious and specific.
I'll bet that Mark Twain, who wrote "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County," would've loved a current saga. I call it "The Jumping Congress Critter of Frog Jump."
My unsolicited advice to Anthony Weiner is to drop out of the race for mayor of New York City. But since you insist on staying, hold a press conference:
At last, a fast food giant that gives a damn about the economic hardships low-wage workers face.
DEAR DIDI: My pug, Daisy, is 7 months old. She is potty trained, listens most of the time, and I absolutely adore her. She has one big problem that could end up causing me to find a new home for her. I work nights and leave the apartment at 10 o'clock at night. This is when most of my neighbors are going to sleep. Daisy immediately goes into a screeching bark as soon as the front door closes. My neighbors are complaining and I don't know what to do. Does she need a friend? Pug Lover in Modesto
Before you join Jay Leno and Susan Sarandon and sign an open letter to Gov. Jerry Brown to protest "solitary confinement" in California prisons' security housing units, there are a few things you should know. Start with the criminal records of the leaders of the Short Corridor Collective - the four inmates who, despite their "extreme isolation," orchestrated a hunger strike with more than 30,000 inmate participants July 8.
Al Capone was a bad boy. How bad? He cheated on his income taxes.
John Pike - the University of California, Davis police lieutenant whom the university fired for pepper spraying Occupy protesters Nov. 18, 2011 - has filed a workers' compensation claim based on a "psychiatric injury." UC should change its motto from "Fiat lux" ("Let there be light") to "Fiat meum" ("Where's mine?").
"I think you should check out the APEX program," my high school counselor, Mrs. Workman, suggested.
President Obama is announcing for the umpteenth time he's going to "pivot" to fixing the economy - as if that's ever worked before, since it is he who broke it. That said, Obama will pivot to tiddlywinks if that's what it takes to get out from under his mountain of scandals.
Want to see pure altruism in action? Go to Washington, D.C. - not to the federal government's marble buildings, but to the real city, where ordinary folks live.
"Progressivism leads inevitably to utter irrationality and eventually political, as well as moral, chaos."
The word "help" is so uplifting. It conveys our best humanitarian values. How odd, then, to see it used in this New York Times headline: "Banks' Lobbyists Help in Drafting Financial Bills."
The Pentagon's mad scientists have a God-like goal of "creating" new food.
In March, President Barack Obama teased the notion of making voting mandatory. "It would be transformative if everybody voted," he said during a Cleveland event. "That would counteract money more than anything." Spokesman Josh Earnest walked back the idea the next day, after whetting the appetites of liberal activists. Too often, partisans talk about tinkering with our system to improve voter turnout without fixing why the electorate isn't showing up.
Mother's Day I hugged my mother tightly and celebrated with her. I'd like to thank our 40th president for that.
Hollywood and global-warming panic have always been a natural match. After all, who can tell you better to cut back on your wasteful ways better than a high-flying multimillionaire movie star with the carbon footprint of a Tyrannosaurus rex?
Al Capone, the infamous mob boss and bootlegger in Chicagoland during the 1920s, always maintained that he was just a businessman.
In watching Baltimore burn, "progressives" run out of scapegoats. Over a week ago, a black man named Freddie Gray died after being arrested by police. Videotape shows Gray being dragged into a police van. Within a less than half an hour, his spine was somehow severed and he died seven days later.
They say there's honor among thieves. I say: That depends on the thieves.
"Peaceful protest turns violent," read the San Francisco Chronicle headline about the May 1 protest in Oakland that ended badly. Police arrested about a dozen people after activists trashed new cars and smashed bank windows. I love that headline. It makes it seem as if it's an anomaly when an Oakland protest ends with errant sparks and glass shards - even though a social-justice demonstration in Oakland has a better chance of ending with vandalism than a Hollywood marriage has in ending in divorce.
It's been about eight months since I came to Chicago for school, but come May 18, I'll be back home in Manteca. And in those eight months, I've learned a lot. Here are just a few of the things I've learned this year at Columbia College Chicago:
The last year could be described as The Year of Transgender Propaganda. The Hollywood and news media push on the latest frontier of "gender fluidity" demonstrates the libertine left's absolute arrogance that the LGBT revolution is an unstoppable juggernaut.
Wall Street arrogance seems to be accelerating even faster than our infinite cosmos is expanding.
Had Freddie Gray been robbed, beaten and left to die in the streets of his Baltimore neighborhood, no one would be mourning him today.
Even the word "greed" isn't negative enough to characterize the all-out assault on workers by today's corporate elite.