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Chris, when are you getting hitched?

I was recently asked by a friend to attend a wedding. I'm not sure if it's the wedding season itself, or the fact I'm attending one with a member of the opposite sex that piques the interest of my family. But if you dangle these carrots in front of the horses that are my sisters, cousins and aunts, you soon find myself a contestant on the hit game show "When are you gonna hurry up and settle down?!"

April 22, 2016 | | Manteca to a T

Diamond tales . . .

Fresh cut grass, pepper being played, the pop of the catcher's glove – overbearing bleacher parents that couldn't catch a fly ball with a fisherman's net. These are a just few of the sights and sounds that let you know baseball season has arrived.

April 08, 2016 | | Manteca to a T


Like a scene from the movie Hoosiers, an entire town rallied and gathered on Yosemite Ave. last Thursday in hopes of spurring the Manteca High boys basketball team to a victory in the state title game in Sacramento. The town as a whole jumped on their collective horses, and rode 60 miles north to raucously support this upstart group of young men. Meanwhile, much like the Dennis Hopper character in the movie Hoosiers, the one relegated to a mental hospital bed - unable to attend the game because of his life decisions. There I was, trapped in the cab of a ...

March 31, 2016 | | Manteca to a T

Hoops galore . . .

It's funny sometimes the way you are reminded just how small a world - and more to the point the town we live in - really is. I was kicking around the idea of asking people who they considered Manteca's all time best basketball player.

March 18, 2016 | | Manteca to a T

Tag, you’re not it

I try my hardest not to repeat topics in this column. That is of course until they come full circle and once again can be rehashed. It would be a pretty boring column for everyone if each week "I hate the word Mantweeka, I used to be good at sports, and somebody find me a girlfriend" filled up page 2. But every once in a while divine intervention intercedes. Little League baseball starts up in a few days – and my 5 year old nephew doesn't understand why in his age group, there isn't a winner or a loser ...

March 11, 2016 | | Manteca to a T

Batter up (in Ripon) . . .

It's that time of year again. Fresh cut grass, the pop of the leather, and kids geared up for America's pastime – baseball season has arrived.

March 04, 2016 | | Manteca to a T

A death in Ripon

The second I heard about Tuesday's police incident, involving a stolen car high speed chase, and subsequent shooting of the perpetrator – I readied myself for the two differentiating factions to raise their voices and opinions.

February 26, 2016 | | Manteca to a T

About ‘entitled boobery’

Being a 40-year-entitled boob myself, it is rare that I come across the entitlements of others, and am left mouth agape. It takes a special person to ever cause me to reel back and think, "My lord, can this person be serious?!" But recently I encountered a fellow entitled boob, and she was firing on all cylinders.

February 19, 2016 | | Manteca to a T

Judging Manteca High . . .

As we all know Chris is a proud supporter of his alma mater Manteca High School. Because of this, he's given me, a proud current coach and teacher at MHS, a guest appearance in his column

February 12, 2016 | | Manteca to a T

Chris Teicheira’s excellent adventure

It's Super Bowl week. America's most popular, yet unrecognized holiday. This is Thanksgiving with a better football game. If congress would finally pass a law, giving us Monday morning off – I'd be willing to say goodbye to Valentine's and Labor Day forever. The NFL put together a week of interactive events and attractions, all intended to draw people into San Francisco. Being a Raider fan, I have no dog in this Super Bowl fight, but would love to watch the Broncos lose another one.

February 05, 2016 | | Manteca to a T

Public speaking gone bad

There is nothing I enjoy more than hearing from a friend or acquaintance that they want to give stand-up comedy a try. I usually recommend they walk outside in the morning to get the paper in their underwear; it's basically the same, especially if you decide to get the entire block's paper for them.

February 02, 2016 | | Manteca to a T

A not so ‘Free Day’ . . .

On Tuesday, I spent what friend Vic Morito likes to call a "Free Day". A "Free Day" entails waking up in bed at around noon – and then frittering the day away – without ever leaving the house. These completely non-productive days, are just what every person pursuing a comedy career, got into comedy for. The ability to rationalize a day of watching Die Hard for the 16th time, or thumbing through a Time Life book about sharks I've had since I was five. But all this is done under the guise of "working on my craft" or "working on my ...

January 22, 2016 | | Manteca to a T

Beware: Sharp tongues

I attended my company Christmas party on Wednesday night. No, not out here in the country to celebrate my yearly tractorship. And no, not down at the Manteca Bulletin so they can laud my rise up the journalistic ladder – I hear they actually plan to move the office soon and not tell me. But the Christmas party for the job I love to hate – Stand-Up Comedy.

December 18, 2015 | | Manteca to a T

Albert ‘Santa’ Fonseca

Karma showed up at the MRPS Hall this last week in the form of my 5-year-old nephew Bode – and took a big bite out of my behind. I was fulfilling my year end duties as Santa Claus, and he'd just gone through the routine of sitting on Santa's lap. He was completely fooled. A huge relief to myself, as I don't want to be the one that is forever burned into his little head when he figures it all out. It had been in that same hall many years before that a young Chris figured out the ...

December 11, 2015 | | Manteca to a T

In Loving Memory...

It was nearly a year and a half ago that I decided to put my column on the auction block at a local fundraiser. The Bulletin hadn't said I couldn't, so "Entitlement Chris" decided it was fine to do. I figured it would be a nice gesture to donate something charitable and secretly knew it would give me a week off – while someone else had to toil above their keyboard. It was purchased by Alyce Machado Luis, under the guise that at any point she felt the need to speak her mind, dote upon her kids, or simply ...

December 04, 2015 | | Manteca to a T

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