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Archive By Section - Manteca to a T


A not so ‘Free Day’ . . .

On Tuesday, I spent what friend Vic Morito likes to call a "Free Day". A "Free Day" entails waking up in bed at around noon – and then frittering the day away – without ever leaving the house. These completely non-productive days, are just what every person pursuing a comedy career, got into comedy for. The ability to rationalize a day of watching Die Hard for the 16th time, or thumbing through a Time Life book about sharks I've had since I was five. But all this is done under the guise of "working on my craft" or "working on my ...

January 22, 2016 | | Manteca to a T


Beware: Sharp tongues

I attended my company Christmas party on Wednesday night. No, not out here in the country to celebrate my yearly tractorship. And no, not down at the Manteca Bulletin so they can laud my rise up the journalistic ladder – I hear they actually plan to move the office soon and not tell me. But the Christmas party for the job I love to hate – Stand-Up Comedy.

December 18, 2015 | | Manteca to a T


Albert ‘Santa’ Fonseca

Karma showed up at the MRPS Hall this last week in the form of my 5-year-old nephew Bode – and took a big bite out of my behind. I was fulfilling my year end duties as Santa Claus, and he'd just gone through the routine of sitting on Santa's lap. He was completely fooled. A huge relief to myself, as I don't want to be the one that is forever burned into his little head when he figures it all out. It had been in that same hall many years before that a young Chris figured out the ...

December 11, 2015 | | Manteca to a T


In Loving Memory...

It was nearly a year and a half ago that I decided to put my column on the auction block at a local fundraiser. The Bulletin hadn't said I couldn't, so "Entitlement Chris" decided it was fine to do. I figured it would be a nice gesture to donate something charitable and secretly knew it would give me a week off – while someone else had to toil above their keyboard. It was purchased by Alyce Machado Luis, under the guise that at any point she felt the need to speak her mind, dote upon her kids, or simply ...

December 04, 2015 | | Manteca to a T


Year later, homeless problem still exists

Thanks to the news regarding the recent lawsuit being brought against the City of Manteca, the homeless issue is once again the hot button of conversation in town.

November 26, 2015 | | Manteca to a T


Thankful Mantecans

(While I may be the captain of the ship that is Manteca to a T, I often find it is best to hand the wheel over to a reader, in order to most adequately sail certain subjects. This week first mate Jessica (Donges) Vaughan steers us through Thanksgiving and what it means....)

November 20, 2015 | | Manteca to a T


The Santatastrophe

It's been a good 15 years since I first played Santa during the holiday season. I'd like to think I was first asked to don the suit because of my gregarious nature – but am certain it was just a ramification of being the only one without kids in my age group.

November 13, 2015 | | Manteca to a T


In regards to last week’s column . . .

Sometimes it's nice to be reminded that I still live in what is essentially, the same small town I grew up in. Last week I attempted to write a column about the MHS vs. EU rivalry. I hoped to spark some interest in a rivalry game that from my point of view had lost a bit of steam the last decade. The column however was leaked to a few of the EU contingent before it made press. And boy did it get ugly. Phone calls to the Bulletin office with threats of ending subscriptions. Various emails bouncing around town ...

November 06, 2015 | By Chris Teicheira | Manteca to a T


Missing days of intense EU-Manteca rivalry

Here we are nearly midway through the football season. The Raiders and Niners seem to be what everyone thought – one team on the rise, the other a shipwreck teetering on the brink. On the local home front, the Buffs appear primed for another playoff run while the Timberwolves attempt to turn their season around. Across town, the Lancers are struggling a bit.

October 30, 2015 | | Manteca to a T


Sundays with Manuel . . .

Sunday mornings on the dairy were always an adventure for me as a teen. Sundays were the day my uncles would take off to be with their families - which meant one thing. I would be feeding calves and cows on this day.

October 23, 2015 | | Manteca to a T


A swing & a miss

It's the most wonderful time of the year. Baseball playoffs are in full swing. My tractor cab prepped with sunflower seeds and ice cold Squirt cans – ruling my daytime radio enjoyment the way Christopher Columbus intended. The baseball playoffs remind me of one undeniable fact: I've been striking out with the opposite sex for the entire year.

October 16, 2015 | By Chris Teicheira | Manteca to a T


Lesson learned, Mrs. Wentworth, Mr. Clemensen

So here I am, on the eve of my book signing, and can only think of one thing – the fact that I have the penmanship of a 1st grader. It was 2nd grade the first time I approached a teacher with this brilliant offer - "How about I just pass the tests, and we just skip the whole homework thing?"

October 09, 2015 | | Manteca to a T


Manteca to a teat

It was a Tuesday evening in the not so distant past when I was bombarded by the milk and toddler display outside of Save Mart.

October 02, 2015 | | Manteca to a T


Frank had big impact

I wanted to kill Frank Guinta.

September 25, 2015 | JEFF TILTON | Manteca to a T


Chris chasing unicorns

Dreams are like unicorns – they're only real if you're still chasing them. I turned 40 something last week, but find myself still searching for one of the unicorns that has eluded me my entire life - finding a nice Portuguese Catholic woman to bring home.

September 17, 2015 | | Manteca to a T


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Articles by Section - Manteca to a T


Cabin Trip: From Hero to zero...

Pack up the kids, the girlfriend, the dog, or nobody – whatever it is you require for a few days of camping. The San Joaquin Valley ...

July 21, 2016 | | Manteca to a T


Much ado about something

Was it just me, or could this past week not end soon enough? Politics, Shootings, Racism, Anti-Pokemon sentiment – the United States acting in a very ...

July 15, 2016 | | Manteca to a T


Begging for weed & Manteca bird watching

Am I losing my mind?! While driving through town recently, I saw a couple sitting in front of a local business. They appeared to be ...

July 08, 2016 | | Manteca to a T


The doggone truth of it

I'm often reminded that people who have lived in the city their entire lives do not understand the rules of the country. And believe ...

July 01, 2016 | | Manteca to a T


Take me out to the ball game

"When it's time for a change, think SpeeDee . . . ."

June 24, 2016 | MARK CONDIT | Manteca to a T


Hate should never feel common

"Hey tough guy, there is nothing tough about walking into a night club and unloading round after round into unsuspecting people. Tough is a kid ...

June 17, 2016 | | Manteca to a T


It’s the simple pleasures. . .

Elections, gorilla shot in zoo, BLD boosting prices, the heat is driving me mad – just a few of the problems my friends wanted the column ...

June 14, 2016 | | Manteca to a T


They died for us

There were many worker bees buzzing around Woodward Park early Friday morning.

May 28, 2016 | | Manteca to a T


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