Editor’s note: Dennis Wyatt is on vacation. This column first appeared Jan. 10, 2014.
You might be a Mantecan if . . .
. . . you get thrilled when another Mexican restaurant opening.
. . . someone says “blue” and you immediately think it must be recycling week.
. . . you complain about the Yosemite traffic congestion and you’re not referring to the national park.
. . . the highlight of your winter social calendar is a crab feed.
. . . the mercury drops below 95 degrees and you start talking about a cooling trend.
. . . someone talks about “Flo” you immediately think of Flo the Cow standing atop a trailer surrounded by water in the 1997 floods instead of the waitress on the old sitcom “Alice.”
. . . you don’t have to ask what a SHARP is.
. . . you hear someone go, “Maannnn-teee-kaaa” and you immediately think of the late Bob and Shirley Davis of Manteca Trailer.
. . . you talk about how it was a shame they took down the tower at Manteca High as though it was torn down yesterday instead of over 50 years ago.
. . . you know how to pronounce Ripon.
. . . you give money to panhandlers with signs that say “Need weed, please help.”
. . . Ripon’s water towers are more visible than Mt. Diablo
. . . you believe turn signals should be viewed by the law as optional equipment.
. . . you know the reason why nothing wasn’t built downwind from the present-day Spreckels Park for more than 90 years.
. . . you are still trying to figure out what was in the big sealed, unmarked envelope that Stockton gave to the All-American City judges.
. . . you have a car or two parked on your grass and one in your driveway on blocks.
. . . your favorite snow fall is almond blossoms in late February.
. . . you know the real reason East Union High was so named when it is on North Union Road.
. . .you know how to pick the right lane at the Yosemite/99/Button interchange.
. . . you have the theme song to “COPS” running through your head while you stuff a little extra garbage in your neighbor’s Toter in the middle of the night.
. . . you often find yourself using the phrase “When I used to live in (pick one: Pleasanton, Fremont, Hayward, or San Jose).
. . . when someone mentions “The Lab” the first thing you think about is not your neighbor’s Labrador retriever.
. . .someone says yellow and you say freight.
. . .when someone from Tracy refers to Manteca as “Mantstinka” you shoot back and say it’s better than being from “Trashy.”
. . . you know the answer to the Trivial Pursuit question as to what was playing at the El Rey Theatre when it burned on Aug. 6, 1975.
. . . your idea of quiet time is not hearing thumper music while stuck in a traffic jam on Interstate 205.
. . .you get miffed when light weight Half Moon Bay claims they’re the pumpkin capital of the world.
. . . your idea of a wild weekend is shopping at Costco.
. . . you believe stop signs are simply advisory in nature.
. . .you know what a Toter is and it has nothing to do with use of an illegal substance.
. . . you think Bill Murray didn’t take his obsession with gophers in “Caddyshack” far enough.
. . . you pronounce almonds without an “L” and know the joke that it’s because the “L” gets knocked out of them when they’re harvested.
. . .someone asks you directions to Yosemite and you ask east or west.
. . . you actually got excited about a proposal a few years back to paint the city water tower like a giant pumpkin.
. . . you look forward to municipal elections with the same enthusiasm as fans do the news the World Wrestling Federation is coming to Golden One Center.
. . . you are used to drivers who believe the DMV regulations require manual hand signals to involve extending the middle finger only.
. . . you don’t get the irony in the name “Manteca Diet Center.”
. . . you plan your Saturdays around garage sales.
. . .your idea of the ideal Manteca business is one that advances cash, sells Mexican food, does nails and sells used cars all in one location.
. . . you wave at police officers just to be friendly.
. . .you complain about how dangerous the bypass is and you’re not talking about an impending surgery.
. . . you’ve called 9-1-1 to report a sick dog or sick cat.
. . . you not only know the way to San Jose but you get up at 3 a.m. in the morning to get there by 8 a.m.
. . . you wouldn’t want to live anywhere else.
If crab feeds are at the top of your social calendar