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If crab feeds are at the top of your social calendar
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You might be a Mantecan if . . .

. . . you get thrilled when another Mexican restaurant opens.

. . . someone says “blue” and you immediately think it must be recycling week.

. . . you complain about the Yosemite traffic congestion and you’re not referring to the national park.

. . . the highlight of your winter social calendar is a crab feed.

. . . the mercury drops below 95 degrees and you start talking about a cooling trend.

. . . someone talks about “Flo” you immediately think of Flo the Cow standing atop a trailer surrounded by water in the 1997 floods instead of the waitress on the old sitcom “Alice.”

. . . you don’t have to ask what a SHARP is.

. . . you want the INS to start cracking down on BATs.

. . . you hear someone go, “Maannnn-teee-kaaa” and you immediately think of the late Bob and Shirley Davis of Manteca Trailer.

. . . you talk about how it was a shame they took down the bell tower at Manteca High as though it was torn down yesterday instead of over 50 years ago.

. . . you know how to pronounce Ripon.

. . . you give money to panhandlers with signs that say “Need DVD, please help.”

. . . Ripon’s water towers are more visible than Mt. Diablo

. . . you believe turn signals should be viewed by the law as optional equipment.

. . . you know the reason why nothing was built downwind from the present-day Spreckels Park for more than 90 years.

. . . you’re still trying to figure out what was in the sealed unmarked envelope that Stockton gave to the All-America City judges.

. . . you have a car or two parked on your grass and one in your driveway on blocks.

. . . your favorite snow fall is almond blossoms in late February.

. . . you know the real reason East Union High was so named when it is on North Union Road.

. . . you know how to pick the right lane at the Yosemite/99/Button interchange.

. . . you have the theme song to “COPS” running through your head while you stuff a little extra garbage in your neighbor’s Toter in the middle of the night.

. . . you often find yourself using the phrase “When I used to live in (pick one: Pleasanton, Fremont, Hayward, or San Jose).

. . . when someone mentions “The Lab” the first thing you think about is not your neighbor’s Labrador retriever.

. . . someone says “yellow” and you say “freight.”

. . . when someone from Tracy refers to Manteca as “Mantstinka” and you shoot back and say it’s better than being from “Trashy.”

. . . you know the answer to the Trivial Pursuit question as to what was playing at the El Rey Theatre when it burned on Aug. 6, 1975.

. . . your idea of quiet time is not hearing thumper music while stuck in a traffic jam on Interstate 205.

. . . you get miffed when light weight Half Moon Bay claims they’re the pumpkin capital of the world.

. . . your idea of a wild weekend is shopping at Costco.

. . . you believe stop signs are simply advisory in nature.

. . . you know what a Toter is and it has nothing to do with the use of an illegal substance.

. . . you think Bill Murray didn’t take his obsession with gophers in “Caddyshack” far enough.

. . . you pronounce almonds without an “L” and know the joke that it’s because the “L” gets knocked out of them when they’re harvested.

. . . someone asks you for directions to Yosemite and you ask east or west.

. . . you actually got excited about a proposal a few years back to paint the city water tower like a giant pumpkin.

. . . you look forward to municipal elections with the same enthusiasm as fans do the news the World Wrestling Entertainment is coming to Sleep Train Arena.

. . . you are used to drivers who believe the DMV regulations require manual hand signals to involve extending the middle finger only.

. . . you don’t get the irony in the name “Manteca Diet Center.”

. . . you plan your Saturdays around garage sales.

. . . your idea of the ideal Manteca business is one that advances cash, sells Mexican food, does nails and sells used cars all in one location.

. . . you wave at police officers just to be friendly.

. . . you complain about how dangerous the bypass is and you’re not talking about an upcoming surgery.

. . . you’ve called 9-1-1 to report a sick dog or sick cat.

. . . you not only know the way to San Jose but you get up at 3 o’clock in the morning to get there by 8 a.m.

. . . you wouldn’t want to live anywhere else.

This column is the opinion of executive editor, Dennis Wyatt, and does not necessarily represent the opinion of The Bulletin or Morris Newspaper Corp. of CA.  He can be contacted at or (209) 249-3519.