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Lent is here...
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Ash Wednesday has passed, and Lent has arrived. The religious custom of Lent for Christians, is one that involves a 40 day period of prayer, penance, repentance, and atonement, in preparation for Easter Sunday. As a good Catholic boy, I will try my best to observe this period by cutting several things out of my life but some things – things that should probably cut out, and not just during Lent – shall continue. Here is a quick list of these:

 I will still continue to tease my 3- year-old niece to the point of tears. If I’m being honest she rarely cries – but will reach a point of frustration – and finally feel the need to tattle Uncle Chris out to her mother but without the ability to properly verbalize what I’ve been doing, she loses her day in court every time. I figure the shelf life of this activity expires within the year – and at worst I am able to bribe her via candy and chocolate.

I will continue to raid my Mother’s refrigerator at every opportunity. I assume I’m not the only one that does this? My brother and myself make a living out of treating her food like it is has a “Free to the Public” sign hanging from it. Mom, if you are reading this: You are currently out of bacon, Please fix this problem, your son Chris.

 I will continue to take 4 days to wash one load of clothes. That first washing machine ride never takes – because after 2 days of sitting wet in the washer – a little mustiness sets in. I currently have a load of wash that just stays in perpetual wash motion. The pile reaches the floor of my bedroom – never to be folded. After about a week, it heads back to the laundry room – so much for water conservation.

I will continue to drink milk right out of the container. My roommate doesn’t know I do this but he doesn’t read my column to be able to find out – his own personal Catch-22.

I will continue to chew my toenails. This filthy little habit has consumed my life since childhood. I sometimes collect them to make toenail soup. Be honest, if you were still able to get your toe to your mouth – you’d be doing the same.

 I will continue to challenge people to break dance against me at weddings..I’m not the best at it – but most back down from the challenge before stuff gets ugly. I’m currently 8-4 in these competitions – and a playoff berth is imminent.

 I will continue to avoid getting in to a fast food drive thru that has more than one car in it. In my mind, more than one car constitutes “medium paced food” — and with my busy life – this is unacceptable.

I will continue to record the show American Idol each week – and then never watch it. To be honest I can’t figure out how to delete it from the “show record” menu.

I will continue to not “lift the seat” — and I mean never. (No real man does) I have faith in my aim, and I’m at about a 7 out of 10 clean rim percentage. I’ve never understood why women don’t just lift the seat after they are done. No man would go out of his way to lower the seat. Seems like an easy fix to this age old problem. Lift the seat when you are done Ladies. Problem solved.

I will continue to hate horses. It is my right.

I will continue to write this column. Contrary to a rumor that was circulating around my grandma’s hair salon,(Yes, my column is discussed at local hair salons – Mayberry revisited) Just wanted to make sure that Earl Pimentel knows that I will continue to write this column ‘til they pry the pen from my hand – or the Modesto Bee comes calling.

I will continue to correct people’s grammar publicly. .It often “affects” my relationship with people, but hopefully it “affects” their poor choice of words.

I will continue to never wear the colors blue and red together...”Other (East Union High) School” phobia.

I will however to attempt to go through Lent without an alcoholic drink. I realize the Vegas oddsmakers are licking their chops at the Under line on this – but I shall prove them wrong. Have faith people. In fact, if any Mantecan spots me with a drink in my hand over the next 40 days – I will make a donation of $100 to the charity of your choice.

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Troy Vick Memorial Athletic Fund Dinner

On March 5 from 5 to 7 p.m., there will be a drive-thru dinner supporting the Troy Vick Athletic fund. Chicken – Tri tip – potatoes – and the trimmings. Tickets are just $15, and are available at Fagundes Meats..(or call Kristen Lance Frisk 275-9144)

“It’s not Where ya do, It’s What ya do”