We've reached the point in this pandemic I'd like to call "the Titanic has just split in half."

That moment when regardless of what actions you've taken since Covid tore into our hull – faithfully worn a lifeboat around your mouth and nose, panicked and jumped unassuredly into the water, stood on the bridge refusing to believe we'd sink, or moved about the bar deck with cocktail in hand as if this wasn't affecting you – I t no longer matters your viewpoint of this doomed liner.

All must be resigned to this unassailable fact – "My God – this was a friggin' disaster!"

A year deep into the pandemic at hand and oddly it feels like we've settled into this calamity with calm resignation. Long past the point of pretending this wreck is salvageable, we've all made personal decisions; the who, what, how, where, why of Social Pandemic Decorum. Decisions nobody was – nor could've been – prepared for. Shipwrecks this prodigious and fraught with peril come once a century.

There may be preventative measures to keep lids on such events, but once the jar was opened, everybody was gonna get wet in one way, shape, or form.

This pandemic was near impossible to see coming. Covid – much like an iceberg in the night – is a virtually invisible monster.

Sure, once it was struck, pointing fingers at the lookout tower and Captain helped to appease the anger of many but did little to stop us from taking on water. In fact, we've elected a new Captain during this sink job.

Should he be awarded some gold navigational medal because he was at the helm when Vaccination Carpathia arrived on scene? Hardly. This seems much more a result given to time and eventuality.  

First Mate Fauci is lauded by some as a hero, or at least a consistent voice to be heard over the ship's PA.

But "You don't need a lifejacket. You do need a lifejacket. Wear the lifejacket when near others. Don't drown each other...Be careful the water is freezing cold".

Really?! We get it. You were also panicked, and on the same sinking ship.  

Diligent "Maskers" headed to the lifeboats early. For the most part they're a fine bunch of people, choosing to be extra cautious should not be a Scarlet "A" for others to mock. Yet there are many that stood on the bridge of the Covid-tanic shouting "those stupid lifeboats aren't gonna save you! You're in open seas surrounded by icebergs and freezing mist! We're not gonna sink!"

(* Dear History Nerds, I realize the Titanic sank in serene glass-like conditions, but for this column airborne droplets were required to...blah blah blah.)

Then there are those out in the water, reaching for a lifeboat, and hollering bloody murder. For this column we'll compare them to the "Maskers" that need the whole world to know they have one on – and demand that you do as well. They want to be safe, but just as important is that they garner immediate attention for their "bravery and sacrifice.”

Yuck.

We've all seen one of these grocery store outbursts in person.

"Look at me! Look at me! I'm out here suffering! Everybody jump in! Why isn't anyone listening to me?!"

Look Karen, we're all suffering. You're in deadly water with goggles and a snorkel – none of this disaster feels safe, so tread lightly.

Others never believed the ship would sink. Some in fact held steadfast that we never even struck an iceberg. That it was a mine or torpedo. Or that icebergs are just a conspiracy. Meant to keep people in fear of going out on the open ocean.

"This is how they plan to control all the cruise liners, and the cargo ships! Soon they'll come for our ski boats! I'm building a 9' pontoon for my family to live in when they come."

Good luck?? I'm never sure what to say to "those" people.

Most people not wanting to wear a mask and that remained on the bridge of the ship are fair logical people. They recognized this as a common shipwreck, one like many others, and that an overreaction seemed unnecessary.

"Shipwrecks happen every year. I'm not gonna jump ship into a lifeboat, when I'm positive we'll remain afloat...we're all gonna get wet at some point. I ain't afraid."

Which leads us to the stars of this disaster – the Leo DiCaprio's. Arms aloft and spread while maskless, shouting, "I'm the king of the world!"

No. You're not, stupid.

The group of non-maskers, that even as the ship snapped in half, rode the front of the boat as it went up.

(Want to know how you can tell I'm winging this column on the fly? I just referred to the bow of the mighty Titanic bobbing high into the night sky as "the front of the boat as it went up"...You know. Like a Sailorman would.)

Clinging to the railing with one hand, coddling a Budweiser in the other, yelling down to onlookers "Quit being a bunch of pansies! I care about nobody but myself...and of course what everyone within earshot thinks of me."

Enjoy the plunge, Sir. We're all getting wet on this one.

One day we'll all be able to remove the Heart of the Ocean masks around our neck - casting this bad memory to the sea.

Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda. The Covid-tanic is split. Which in a strange way gives us resolution – because an end seems near. Eventually we'll be able to scavenge the wreckage, sort out what needs to be fixed structurally, and choose wiser future routes.

When 'if's' and 'but's are candy and nuts - what a wonderful world this will be" - Lloyd Barbasol.

In the meantime, Gopher, Isaac, and myself will be cautiously riding this…

Wait. Wrong ship. Boat. Whatever. Just love one another.

"It's not Where ya do, It's What ya do"

Cateicheira@hotmail.com