I have a confession.

I fudged, OK lied, to the DMV.

I did it four times.

It was about my weight.

And it happened when I was required to renew my driver’s license.

The first three times, when I was asked my weight, I gave them a number that was 10 pounds less.

Yes, I know, everybody supposedly stretches the truth about their weight.

I even lied five years after I had gone from 320 down to 170 and gotten back up to 195.

It wasn’t as bad, though, that fourth time.

I shaved my weight by just 5 pounds.

By the time the DMV told me to drop by for a new sitting — the one snap and you’re done process that makes booking photos look like professional portraits, it was 2009.

I decided I was not going to fib again.

So I told the truth when the clerk asked my weight.

I gave my actual weight of 170 pounds.

Three weeks later, my driver’s license from the DMV came in the mail.

The new license still stated my weight as 190 pounds.

I finally told the DMV my real weight.

And they used the old one.

So once again, I had the incorrect weight on my license even though I came clean up front.

But instead of 10 pounds under, it was 20 pounds over.

On Monday, I was part of the cattle call, DMV-style, at the Manteca field office.

This time around touch-screen technology that allows you to input the data made sure my next license will have my correct weight of 175 pounds.

It’s a wonder the DMV leaves that to chance.

On a license that essentially Identifies who you are and requires a thumbprint, they allow people to be creative about their weight.

It clearly doesn’t matter given they eschew the accuracy that stepping on the scales inside the Manteca office with less available space than a tin crammed with sardines would provide.

Maybe it’s because people’s weight often fluctuates.

Maybe it’s because a lot of people aren’t lying in their minds but just stretching the truth when asked by the DMV about their weight.

But then again, the accuracy standard that comes with the state reissuing a driver’s license with a photo the DMV took in 2009 until finally requiring a new one on a license renewal 15 years later speaks volumes about the relative accuracy of the information and photo that appears on a driver’s license.

A visit to the DMV office has a tendency to make one question your sanity beyond mere weighty issues.

That was especially true on my first two trips to the Roseville DMV office as a teen.

The first was my initial behind-the-wheel test.

I managed to draw the tester that others had referred as the “red headed bast - - -.”

It wasn’t about his short cropped red hair as it was about his reputation of failing every teen on their first behind the wheel.

I thought it was just talk.

That changed when, near the end of the test, he had me drive to one of the few streets in Roseville that had a somewhat sharp incline.

He had me drive to a stretch where there were no cars parked and instructed me to back up going uphill and parallel park.

Just as I was about to stop, he raised his voice and commanded me to stop.

He then told me to get out as he opened his door and walked to the rear of the car.

He pulled out a small tape measure, dropped down to his knees, and after rolling out the tape and barked out “19 inches, you could have killed me.”

He then proceeded to inform me I had a 90 plus score until I failed the parallel parking test and he had to fail me.

I didn’t get it at the time, but it makes sense on at least one level to knock a teen driver down a peg or two so they wouldn’t be too confident.

The bottom line was I needed to take another behind the wheel test.

Imagine my state-of-mind two weeks later sitting behind the wheel in my mom’s 1970 Chevy Impala in the test line when I realized that I was three back from the car that the “red headed” drive tester was about to get into.

That meant since there were only two other behind-the-wheel testers, that I was going to get him.

I craned my neck out the window to see what I could.

There was a Ford Galaxy in front of me. And in front of that was a VW bug.

I saw a girl’s hand reach out the driver’s window to adjust the side mirror in the front car, a Dodge Dart.

I knew what came next. She would be told to check the mirrors and then put it into drive and slowly go forward.

Then it happened.

She stepped on the gas but had put her car in reverse.

The Dodge lurched backwards. It hit — and pushed the VW backwards.

The VW then was pushed into the Ford station wagon.

The Ford barely moved, meaning it did not hit my mom’s car.

It unnerved me, but it was my lucky day.

After the fire department arrived and helped the VW driver out of their car given both doors were torqued, the good news was delivered.

The red-haired guy was pulled out of the rotation.

I took the behind-the-wheel test.

And I passed.

When I was being processed for my first “real” driver’s license, the DMV clerk asked my weight.

I told the truth, 180 pounds.

Yes, you can be scared straight.

This column is the opinion of editor, Dennis Wyatt, and does not necessarily represent the opinions of The Bulletin or 209 Multimedia. He can be reached at dwyatt@mantecabulletin.com