Decon apparently has a competitor.
Mountain Dew is the new liquid version of a better mouse trap.
At least that’s what an expert representing Pepsi has testified in court.
Legal Newsline reports that the expert told a court that if a mouse becomes trapped in a can of Mountain Dew that it would be transformed into a “jelly-like” substance. Funny, but they never hawked that fact in their “Give Me a Dew” ad campaign.
The testimony was the result of Pepsi being sued by a gentleman named Ronald Ball.
Ball said that he tasted something foul in a can of Mountain Dew he bought from a vending machine. He spat out what was in his mouth and claimed it appeared to be a dead mouse.
Ball said he sent Pepsi the dead mouse and demanded $50,000 in damages.
Not so fast.
Pepsi rolled out their expert who said unequivocally if the mouse had been sealed in a can of Mountain Dew it would essentially look like marmalade.
Essentially Mountain Dew would have dissolved the little varmint similar to what a vat of acid would do.
What the heck is in Mountain Dew?
We know there is enough sugar to put a diabetic in a coma and enough caffeine to bounce an 8-year-old off the wall for a couple of days. But what is the active ingredient that apparently can do a piranha act on muscle and flesh?
Years ago, the CHiPs TV show had an episode where a vehicle fire was started from a plastic bottle of cola breaking in the back of a station wagon and co-mingling with powder laundry detergent.
It resulted in an explosion that triggered a fire.
It was enough to convince me never to transport soft drinks in close proximity to Tide.
If there was indeed a mouse in a can of Mountain Dew it was probably a one in a trillion chance given the amount of soda consumed yearly. And unless you deliberately drop a defenseless animal into a vat of Mountain Dew the odds of a Pepsi product becoming the liquid version of the Pied Piper is a bit remote. So are the odds of Pepsi ever challenging Mrs. O’Leary’s cow for creating an inferno that wipes out a major American city.
Still, it might constitute truth in advertising based on Pepsi’s own expert witness if Mountain Dew was labeled as a healthy alternative to rat poison.
But then again, a lot of Pepsi products apparently aren’t safe for rodents.
From the 1970s thanks to federally-funded research where rats were injected directly into their stomachs with cyclamates equivalent to consuming more than 30 bottles of diet soda a day for more than 30 days we know that cyclamates can cause cancer in mice.
Perhaps People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals should demand that soda manufacturers place warning labels on their cans saying soda could be hazardous to the health of a mouse.
Obviously, Pepsi products such as Mountain Dew aren’t safe for Willard or his buddy Ben to consume.
This column is the opinion of managing editor, Dennis Wyatt, and does not necessarily represent the opinion of The Bulletin or Morris Newspaper Corp. of CA. He can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org or 209-249-3519.