It doesn’t take too much apparently to make me happy.
I realized this Saturday when I spotted “it.”
It being an old-fashion flyswatter. By that I mean the ones with the thin wire handles.
We found it Saturday at the Smart & Final in downtown Modesto while we were looking for something entirely different.
They were $1.69 apiece. We bought six.
If you think it is weird that we’re loading up on flyswatters since the mercury has only flirted once with 80 degrees this year then you haven’t lived in Manteca very long.
Flies are everywhere but for some reason they seem to be more annoying in Manteca. Some claim it is our close proximity to dairies. In reality Manteca is just like any other suburban-style city with a multitude of places for flies to breed from garbage cans and pet droppings to rotting fruit on trees.
At any rate, the relatively wide plastic handle flyswatters can be a drawback.
Flies can detect changes in air movements. It is why the actual swatting part is made of vented material.
Since flies can sense air movement changes and respond rapidly by buzzing off, it is why swinging as if you’re trying to park a pitch is frustrating. Think “bunt” instead. I figured that out about five years ago. I had been taking swats at flies without much success in the kitchen. Then I found one on the window screen above the sink. Not wanting to damage the screen as I’d just spent a couple hundred dollars having new screen material put in place, I lightly tapped the fly. To my amazement I killed it.
I soon discovered leaving a window open for a while that flies cooped up in the house will gravitate toward it. They end up resting or walking along the screen.
This is usually a surefire way of ridding the house of flies until the next time they zip inside when a door is opened.
When I first started looking for a flyswatter a decade or so ago I was stunned to find out stores that sold everything else to kill pests with rarely carried them. And when they did they were some fancy, modernistic Sweden-style design with an ergonomic handle that pushed the $5 mark. The most expensive one we ever came across was in an Oakland import store near Jack London Square for $8.99. We’re killing flies folks, not trying to keep up with the Joneses.
Flies are annoying. There is no other way to put it. But none are as obnoxious bugging you than when you’re trying to go to sleep unless, that is, flies in late fall.
They’re the ones that retreat indoors as the temperature starts staying below 50 degrees. For whatever reason they like buzzing you when you’re at a computer. They are annoying whether they buzz past your ears or land on the desk. Of course the flyswatters were either put away long ago or are in the last place you put them which means you have no idea where they are. So you reach for a book or rolled up paper to swat it. Nine-nine point nine times this doesn’t work. This means you end up making about a hundred swats before you hit pay dirt. It isn’t that you’ve worn the pest out or finally honed your flyswatter technique. Far from it. The fly likely is laughing so hard it wasn’t paying attention.
In such cases it is hard to tell what is more insane. An annoying fly buzzing you over and over again enough so you can take a hundred swats at them or you for being so fixated.
In my case, I may be a little over the top. One time after returning from a week long hiking trip, I went to clean up the yard. It is amazing how two Dalmatians can deposit so many land mines in a week. Of course, the flies loved it. Cleaning up the dog messes was nothing compared to the fun I had killing flies.
I wish I were making this up but I ended up killing 62 flies on backyard wall of my home where the afternoon sun hits as well as on the Dog Igloos over the course of about an hour.
I know, I know. Spending an hour or so killing flies means I had time to kill.
But to be honest the buzzing flies around the home are a hundred times more annoying than any I encounter on hikes. Usually you end up walking out of range. Flies tends to stay close to where they were hatched.
Over the years I’ve tried everything from fly zappers to that putrid concoction that is inside a plastic container that lures flies to their death.
And while flies supposedly will keep within a mile of breeding grounds (People actually make a living researching such stuff), I’ve come to the conclusion the most efficient way to deal with them is to take away breeding areas and using old-school technology.
Let’s see some genius come up with an app that replaces a flyswatter short of using a Lenovo smartphone with a flexible screen.
This column is the opinion of executive editor, Dennis Wyatt, and does not necessarily represent the opinion of The Bulletin or Morris Newspaper Corp. of CA. He can be contacted at dwyatt@mantecabulletin.com or 209.249.3519.
