I had fully intended on writing the grand finale of "Eggs and Idiots: The Sonora Saga", but the Super Bowl is around the corner, and this couldn't wait 'til September.

Instead, we’re going with “An Open Letter to Niner Fans.”

Niner fans — you are the worst. I had hoped in the last 25 years (sans a 3-year window you cling to like the bow of the sinking Titanic) as your squad was mired in hopelessness that you'd climb down from the perch you'd built yourself during the 80's. Alas, I have given up as it is ever apparent the fumes of those days have permeated all sections of the brain dealing with rationality, reasonability, and general demeanor….

Brady is better than Montana (oh don't worry — we'll get to that.)

Let's start from the beginning. My beginning. Which is the only one that counts when speaking of sports fandom.

I was just an 8-year-old pup when the Niners won their first Super Bowl in '81. The Raiders had won the year previous, and in '77, so I had taken on the silver and black as my flagship. Being raised in a "mixed family" offered the opportunity to see Niner fans up close. They were an appreciative lot, studied in the game, and most importantly — weren't sniffing themselves yet.

NorCal shared in an NFL nirvana in the early 80s with the Raiders and Niners each winning two Super Bowls from 80-84. All was right with the world.

But then those gold satin jackets started popping up everywhere. Not just worn by the people that had suffered through the 60's and 70's with the Niners – an era in which they never went to an NFL Title game or Super Bowl and were basically the current New York Jets of the West Coast. These new Niner fans hadn't suffered the Steve Spurrier experiment or been hardened by true hate of Staubach and the Cowboys. Just wine and cheese drones piling on to the success.

Yet I was still able to root for the Niners at that point. They were local. What wasn't to like about Montana and Lott? Nothing.

It was their fans that changed. And I can pinpoint the moment. Surprisingly not during and after their Super Bowls in '88 and '89, but the three years prior.

Three years in which Niner fans, if you still ask them today, say "we should've won it those three years!"

But you didn't.

"That Bears team was a one-off, if we played them the next year…"

But you didn't.

"Had Jim Burt not knocked Joe out of the game…."

But they did.

"If Joe wasn't dinged up against the Vikings…"

But he was.

Then the worst thing that could've happened, happened. The Niners won two Super Bowls in a row. I couldn't feather my mullet without my Stylus hairbrush hitting one of these new gold and red clowns.

This was the point of no return. And the moment I began to develop the only superpower I have.

The ability to discern just how long someone has been a Niners fan, just by hearing them say "C'mon Niners!"

There is a mixture of shrillness, unawareness, and pomposity that wafts amidst their "C'mon Niiiiiners!"

I can immediately hone in on someone that could pick John Brodie or Bill Ring out of a lineup, from someone that thinks Hacksaw Reynolds is a tool company in Wisconsin.

I know. I know. There are plenty of Raiders fans wearing red flea market hats, or a skull and crossbones tee shirt from Grocery Outlet that are embarrassingly awful. But they are at least scarlet lettering themselves.

A 24-year-old was arguing with me about "his Niners" recently and used "our 5 Super Bowls" as ammunition.

My man, you weren't even alive for any of those five?! How are you gonna use that as ammunition? Your entire line of fandom is cannon fodder.

Here is the deal. If you weren't old enough to spell Wersching when your team won a Super Bowl — that Super Bowl isn't "yours".

Luckily, I named my favorite football player figurine after Ray Guy as a 5-year -old, so my spelling acumen earns me that 1977 title.

Yet I digress. The Cowboys and Packers ran roughshod through you during the 90's. Though you did meekly get a Super Bowl in '95. After cherry picking the hated Deion Sanders from the Cowboys and defeating the Stan Humphries-led Chargers. Possibly the worst team and QB ever to play in one.

During that season I was in a commercial with Steve Young for Curt Hughes Dodge. So, I had actual contact with the soon to be SB MVP. Do I get to claim that as mine?

Here we are 25 years later. No Super Bowl wins since then. Just a couple choke jobs against the Ravens and Chiefs.

Oh, believe me — I'm fully aware my Raiders haven't won a Super Bowl since '83, nor gone since '02.

But you don't hear me saying ridiculous things like "If we can get Aaron Rodgers here next year, we're a lock for 2-3 SB's"

That is something I actually saw adult humans that I respect, discussing yesterday. The Rodgers body is not even cold and dead from the frozen tundra, and these satin jacketed vultures are picking it clean.

Make sure not to get any blood on that Jimmy G jersey you bought 18-months ago. Remember him? The second coming of Montana, treated like Marco Polo when he arrived, only to be written off like Columbus when the results didn't match the history books (look at me mixing in 500-year-old political humor.)

Brady > Montana

Being optimistic is one thing, and in truth, must feel like a wonderful thing. However not being able to see the forest for the trees is what makes Niner fans the current John Muir of fans.

The tree is Joe Montana.

The forest is Tom Brady.

Somehow you still can't see it.

Before we move forward, let me openly acknowledge that I'm a Brady fan. Yes. A Raider fan that is an adult, and with the capacity to realize "The Tuck Rule" was a flag thrown by the NFL - not the NorCal kid Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr.

Rattling off the numbers is never enough for Niner fans to proclaim Brady "The Greatest."

Hell — most still refuse to even put him on even ground with Montana. Always falling back on one prized line of thought…

"Joe was 4-0 in the Super Bowl. Perfect when it counted."

Perfect when it counted. Perfect when it counted??

And here we are, back to the few years I discussed above. The '85-'87 San Francisco "Montana's."

Did those NFC playoff games not fall into your "counted" category?

Last time I checked you have to win those games to reach the Super Bowl, correct? In essence, Niner fans love to reward Joe because he in fact "lost more games that counted."

Bradshaw went 4-0 in the Super Bowl. Aikman 3-0. Even Plunkett was 2-0.

Niner fans love to complain that Brady would've never survived the rough and tumble 80's. You mean like Montana didn't? Cause I seem to recall Jim Burt filling a pothole with his body, and injuries finally stripped Montana of starter duties in SF.

Brady's numbers aren't just marginally better than Joe's. They are significantly better! You can take away 3-4 Brady years in your "He wouldn't have survived the 80's" scenario - and Brady's numbers still outdo Montana's.

They mix in an occasional "Brady was carried by defenses" all while every Niners Super Bowl squad is littered with Hall of Famers on that side of the ball.

The Bottom Line: We all loved Joe Montana. He is in the "greatest" pantheon of quarterbacks, and with the game on the line, he'd be the person I'd want with ball in hand.

But therein does not make "The Greatest."

On January 10, 1982 my family was at Jim Turner's cabin when Clark caught "The Catch" and I wore a Niners tee shirt to school on Monday. Elliot Nunes pointed out I was a Raiders fan, and I've never worn one since.

Niner Fans, you have made it easy.

Your silence is golden. Red and Golden.

"It's not Where ya do, It's What ya do"