It was on a trip with friends to Union Square in San Francisco in the summer of 1994

There were four of us, two married couples enjoying each other’s company while escaping to The City to beat the oppressive mid-August Central Valley heat.

We were walking by the Dewey Monument when one of our party became distracted.

OK, it was more like staring.

There was a man, who we were later was to find out, in his mid 50s.

He wore glasses. He was dressed in khakis. He had a crew cut. He had a fairly tight shirt on.

Did I mention he appeared to be what one might term as busty?

He turned, locked eyes with who had caught his attention, and then started walking toward us.

I instantly was filled with dread.

I didn’t think it would end too well.

And frankly, I was a bit taken aback that the person doing the staring had never come across anyone who was transgender.

I guess I assumed if you’ve lived in California all your life, you wouldn’t have reacted as if you had come across someone that you thought may have been from both Mars and Venus.

Especially given there was a fairly high profile trans man who worked for two decades or so in one of the three stores in the town I grew up in.

That’s back in the 1970s-1980s, when Lincoln in Placer County held steady at 3,200 residents.

In other words, it was still a small valley town with a large feed grain business smack dab in the middle of a countryside lined with rice fields, seven turkey ranches, six or so mostly small scale dairies, and dozens of small family orchards as well as one of the state’s largest commercial nurseries for barefoot fruit and nut trees in the foothills just to the east.

So there we were.

All things considered, I thought things were about to get ugly.

But I ended up being beyond pleasantly surprised.

The person doing the staring and the subject of their staring had an amicable conversation.

It was a long time ago but generally went like this:

The person, who introduced their first self first asked if there were any questions and noted he was a trans woman.

That prompted the question-statement, “I don’t understand. Can you explain?”

What followed was a short explanation.

He was retired military. He felt more comfortable being a woman and was in the process of surgeries. He added he had been born male and had lived most of us life as “being all man.”

That prompted a response, “are they real?”

At this point, anyone who knows me knows I almost had a coronary after those three words were uttered. 

Sexuality is not up there even in the top 101,000 things I might ask someone in a conversation, let alone a complete stranger, and especially not in San Francisco.

That prompted a chuckle and a question: “would you like to touch them?”

I was borderline mortified as he was taken up on the offer.

The rest of the conversation went from “wow, they are real” to an exchange of pleasantries with everyone smiling and waving a tad as we went on our way.

It was a stark contrast to an encounter a year earlier while waiting in line at the 7-Eleven at Powers and Yosemite avenues in Manteca at 11 o’clock one night.

I was behind a guy in perhaps his late teens or early 20s.

His hairstyle, eye shadows lipstick, clothing, and assorted rings on the nose, ear and lip were channeling a cross between an emo on Red Bull, Alice Cooper, Kiss with a hangover, and Lady Gaga.

I didn’t even flinch.

That wasn’t the case when it came to a much older man who was a tad frail and looked to be in his 80s who had just entered the store.

He stopped in his tracks and his mouth literally dropped open.

Almost on cue the guy ahead of me snarled out, “What are you looking at, old man?”

Without thinking, I interjected myself into the situation that was unfolding.

Speaking to the younger guy, I said something along the line, “I assume the way you were dressed you wanted attention.”

He looked at me with what one might call a sneer and walked out past the older manwithout saying a word.

Keep in mind, this was Manteca in 1993. 

While it was on its last legs, the ultra specific dress code Manteca and East Union high schools had like those that  started popping up across the country after the Beatles invasion and the Summer of Love were still in effect.

Nose rings and guys into ear wear was a supposed fad such as sagging jeans that had yet to become ingrained in the culture, if you will, of Manteca.

After the guy left, the older man asked out loud why the younger fellow was dressed like that?The clerk proceeded to give a short version of what he termed “outlandish” styles some of his younger customers were trying in a bid to express themselves.

The older guy responded with something along the line, “I didn’t know, I learn something new every day.”

Two different encounters.

Two different outcomes.

The first was driven by someone who clearly didn’t just hear a different drummer drumming but was playing with an entirely different orchestra.

I would assume he hoped the world would accept him for who he was, but at the same time knew not everyone would align 100 percent with his viewpoint on even the most basic of personal matters which is who he is.

The second encounter was more along the lines of “you’d better take me for who I am” while oozing “you’d better see the world 100 percent the way I do.”

No one should feel threatened by simply who they are.

But at the same time there are a lot of variables out there in civilization meaning few people are going to see the world exactly the way you do.

That said, making an effort to share who you are without resorting to intimidation, name calling, or forcing 100 percent of one’s agenda onto the rest of the world, regardless of reasonable alternative positions does nothing to raise public discourse or build a better society.

It is why the severe blowback Gov. Gavin Newsom — a person who has been an indisputable advocate of those that can be included as being LGBTQ — when he said he did not support those born as male competing in women sports was jarring.

Newsom justified his position as being one of fairness, just like he did when he opened the floodgate on gay marriage when he defied Sacramento and issued marriage licenses to gay couples when he was mayor of San Francisco.

There are clear physical advantages males have as a whole.

That’s not saying there aren’t females who are stronger than most men.

You could devote a lot of space to back up Newsom’s position.

The real issue, though, is the assumption everything in life is all our nothing if it doesn’t exactly adhere like super glue to the facts or beliefs you hold.

Engage if you want to change the world.

It’s much more effective than rage.

This column is the opinion of editor, Dennis Wyatt, and does not necessarily represent the opinions of The Bulletin or 209 Multimedia. He can be reached at dwyatt@mantecabulletin.com