Editor’s note: This column first appeared on Dec. 22, 2002.
For years, the folks of Weneedjobsville believed in Santanomics.
They waited faithfully every year for jobs to drop out of the sky but none ever did.
Then, private sector elves working with public elves started building the framework to help Weneedjobsville grow more than houses.
The jobs and shopping opportunities started coming.
The folks of Weneedjobsville were joyous.
“It may stop us from going overland to Hightechland in a Bonneville in exchange for a job in Weneedjobsville,” said McGyver the driver.
“Our kids we raise here might be able to go to work here,” said Chad the Dad.
“I may get a better paying job so I can better support little Bob,” said Dawn the single mom.
“Even I might get the chance to join the economic dance,” said John’s sis who was coming off public assist.
Soon, there was all sorts of bustling in Weneedjobsville.
This irritated one particular creature who lived just beyond Weneedjobsville’s borders.
“It’s time to choke all of this growth,” said the creature who was very mean and whose skin was green. “I’ll make them pay for having a happy day. I’ll convince them all that Weneedjobsville is becoming Doomsville.”
So the Grinch decided to steal prosperity from Weneedjobsville.
He rounded up his usual cohorts. There was an environmentalist named Doug who drove a polluting VW bug. Then there was I-just-moved-here Sally who now wants to close the valley. Of course, the bunch can’t function without Kim Bea, who is a proud NIMBY.
The Grinch knew getting the people to allow him to steal prosperity would require the fogging of their clarity.
So the Grinch wove slogan lies about their daily lives.
“Growth will smart and replace all stores with a Walmart.”
“Schools are heading toward doom because there is no class room.”
“The traffic’s rumble will cause kit fox numbers to crumble.”
“Six hundred homes a year is our big fear.”
“We’ll get nothing but crime because we’re getting nothing but slime.”
The Grinch’s vile came into style.
Soon the folks of Weneedjobsville started shutting down the flow of the dough.
But then a funny thing happened.
Jobs and new businesses stopped coming to Weneedjobsville.
Soon economic advancement for the poor was no more.
Jobs for graduating kids hit the skids.
There was more commuting and more polluting.
As far as crime, it was true this time.
Even Sally was now upset with the valley.
“There’s nothing here that I hold dear,” said Sally at a council rally. “Why don’t you get off your rears and get us a Sears?”
Kim Bea, the once proud NIMBY started to carp about no park.
And Doug still drove his polluting bug with his “Save our Valley Air” sticker clouded by his tailpipe smoke that had grown thicker.
Just then, a little girl stepped up to the Grinch.
“Where will you take our old growth rate and why is my dad who lost his job so sad?” the girl asked with innocent eyes.
“Why Hon, I made growth the percentage of one,” the Grinch replied. “And your dad is a tad off with his gloom and doom because it a sacrifice he needs to make room.”
“Make room for what, sir?” the girl asked.
“Why room for all the prosperity that will come when I am done,” the Grinch replied. “You just rest your eyes and I’ll continue on my way to save the day.”
The Grinch left the little girl. It wasn’t before long until the Grinch realized his grandkids to find a job would have to join the commute mob while others would have to leave the valley but not Sally.
Kim Bea the NIMBY blocked a subsidized housing plan for the Grinch’s grandpa Dan.
And Doug with his polluting bug was still fouling the air breathed by the Grinch’s granddaughter Claire.
“What have I done!” the Grinch shouted. “I shut down the town and hurt my own with what I’ve sown!”
Soon prices went up so much because there was no growth that much of the Grinch’s family moved away because they could no longer pay. The ones that weren’t priced out of the housing market, eventually were out of jobs , the Grinch said between sobs.
So the Grinch sat at his family table with just one plate to contemplate.
The morale of this story? Let the Grinch pinch the 3.9 percent rate and it’ll seal our fate.
No longer will we grow at a reasonable flow.
But instead Weneedjobsville will glow with double-digit employment for the Grinch’s enjoyment.
This column is the opinion of executive editor, Dennis Wyatt, and does not necessarily represent the opinion of The Bulletin or Morris Newspaper Corp. of CA. He can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org or 209-249-3519.