I am at a loss to understand why any person in their right mind - gee, that thing might be a clue - would ever agree to go on the Jerry Springer Show and similar boob tube genre.
While surfing the channels the other night I came across the latest insensitive idiot talking to Jerry about cheating on his wife who had agreed to accompany her charming hubby to appear on the show with the only hint she had of what was going on was that he wanted to talk about their relationship.
Let’s see. Hubby wants to talk to you about your relationship. He doesn’t want to do it in the privacy of your home but on a national syndicated show that gets its ratings by appealing to people who are fascinated by people self-destructing on the air and nine out of 10 times who will throw punches like a drunken sailor.
Why would you even agree to go? We’re not talking a make-over here. And when they talk about relationships on the Jerry Springer show it isn’t about how solid your marriage is. The abnormal appeals to those watching TV at 2 a.m. which explains why you don’t see a proliferation of shows about normal people who respect their spouses, who love their families, who don’t have 10 year-old daughters who dress like street walkers or have mothers who bed their teen daughter’s boyfriends.
Right before Jerry has the guy’s wife of two years by which Romeo has two kids, hubby informs the world that he’s been having an affair with his wife’s brother for the past 18 months.
The audience howls in laughter. Jerry then tells his producers to bring the lady on.
Now I don’t understand how someone can be that cruel. It might have been the fact he got his sensitive training during his political stint as Cleveland’s mayor.
The unsuspecting wife comes up and sits down. She looks a bit tense. Gee, I wonder why?
Jerry then implores hubby to tell his bride what he wants to say.
Hubby said “I’ve been having an affair.” Wife gets mad and demands to know who. One would think you’d have sense enough at this point to get up and walk off the stage but hey, the people filming this gave you free airfare, free limo trips and free hotel rooms. The least you can do is stick around and be publicly humiliated coast-to-coast.
The hubby tells her it is her brother. Loving wife goes - you guessed it - ballistic.
The crowd cheers.
Jerry uses his peacemaking skills gleaned as a politician to get the conversation moving so he asks hubby if he is giving up the affair.
Hubby said “yes” and then quickly adds because “I’m ready to try something new.”
Like what? There’s not much left after total public humiliation.
During my first - and only other exposure - to Springer 15 years ago he had two different sets of guests on.
The first was supposedly an out of work electronics engineer in Dallas who was on a segment about pathological liars.
At one point Springer asks the burning question, “How do we know you’re not lying now?”
The idiot responds, “That’s the beauty of it, Jerry, you don’t” just as the tech folks flash up a reminder to any human resources officer at electronic firms in the greatest Dallas area who might have his resume on hand.
Nice try, Jerry, but pathological liars don’t know they’re pathological liars. That’s why they’re pathological liars.
The next segment topped even that. It was about identical gay twins who cheated on their boyfriends by switching places with each other.
Here were the two guys who looked and dressed identical. They each had buck teeth, oversized glasses, unkempt red hair, and checkered shirts with pocket protectors filled with pens, were wearing high waters that revealed white socks and each laughed like Goofy. Can anyone say overdrawn geek caricatures?
Eventually they bring out one of the twins’ boyfriend.
He’s dressed in a nice three-piece suit, hair well groomed, perfect teeth and complexion, has impeccable speech and when he sits down he does it with class and not like some dork slouched in a chair as the two twins were.
He’s surprised, of course, that there are two of them. If you were the viewer you’d be more surprised at the fact the boyfriend could easily be mistaken for Tim Cruise’s taller, younger brother.
As for Jerry Springer, perhaps he’s simply in training for the 2012 presidential race.