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Where is this wonderful city?
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Editor, Manteca Bulletin,
I’m scratching my head, wondering why you chose to print Wednesday’s ‘drab, dull, and dirty’ Manteca letter in the first place, and then devoted your editorial space to challenge the writer’s criticisms of the city. In my opinion, it would have been far more interesting and useful to me and to other readers of the Bulletin if you had dug down a little and found out where the writer has been living before grudgingly ‘settling’ in Manteca, so that we can all pack up and move there. It must be a wonderful place.
The city that the writer moved from sounds like none I’ve ever visited.  It obviously has a beautiful, clean and vibrant downtown sector, on par with Pleasanton and Livermore.  (Livermore?) It has no homeless people, and no graffiti, and all shopping carts are returned immediately after use to neat, tidy rows in front of the establishments where they belong. If all of this is true, and why wouldn’t it be, one can only extrapolate and assume that there is also no litter, no potholes, no barking dogs, no noisy neighbors, no days over 74 degrees, certainly no crime, and so on, and so on.
And because the writer moved to Manteca ‘for employment’, apparently you don’t need to be gainfully employed to live there. The only thing that the city of Wonderland does not have is jobs, which indicates to me that everything there must be free. Sounds almost too good to be true, but I’m ready to give it a try. Just point me in the right direction.
So long, drab, dull, and dirty Manteca. Wonderland, here I come! Last one there is a Manstinkan.

 Stephen Breacain